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CLK – Cyber Locker Killer

So in the piracy world these days, the largest and fastest growing segment of piracy comes from cyberlockers.  All over the world, 14 year olds rush to upload the latest pirated movies to a cyberlocker and spread the links all over the internet in hopes of clearing $16 in revenue by the end of the month.  It’s sad really, but in some of these third world countries, $20 USD is enough to make you a real mack daddy, or at least to buy you some more blank DVD-r’s, so you can peddle camcorder captures of Battle LA at the local flea market.  Like I said, real mack daddies.

In my latest Stats update I showed that over 1/3 of all the infringements I’ve removed have come from Cyberlockers and admittedly,  I’m still scratching the surface of the cyberlocker infestation.  Now as a realist, I know that my goal shouldn’t be to remove every single cyberlocker link for all of my clients, since that’s a largely impossible goal.  Rather my goal is just to take out so many that it becomes an unprofitable venture for the cashwhore spammers.  It’s kind of like war – you don’t have to kill EVERY soldier on the other side, just kill enough of them to make the rest of them drop their rifles and surrender.  Am I right or what France?

But to reach my goal, I had to be willing to pay a price and boy did I ever.  I recently procured the talents of a programming specialist who was handsomely compensated to the tune of one million dollars to write me a custom piece of software to take out cyberlocker links.  OK, so it wasn’t one million dollars, but let’s just say it was more than $1.50 and less than $1,000,000. Somewhere in between…only my tax man knows for sure.

Anyways, I unleashed this badboy tool on a nice cyberlocker site today and do you want to hear the results?  Huh Huh?  Do ya????

Am I the only one that gets freaking annoyed when people can’t put their shopping carts back in the shopping cart stall?  It’s like how lazy of a society are we really?  Until we can put the shopping cart back I just don’t think our society deserves any respect.  I say revoke voting rights for all the lazy bastards who can’t put their shopping cart back where they got it.  We’re so lazy we’ll spend 15 minutes driving around the parking lot at Target so we can get a parking spot that’ll trim off our walking time by 32 seconds.  Plus, spend another 5 minutes backing into the parking spot like we’re going to fucking rob the place and have to make a fast getaway or something, only to come out after buying a bunch of cheap made in China plastic crap, complain about socialized healthcare and then be too fat and too lazy to walk our cart 12 feet to the shopping cart stall.  Knowing full well that later on some gust of wind will blow that shopping cart into someone’s car, causing a big scratch that really just causes everyone’s insurance rates to go up, and since our big fat lazy asses couldn’t walk a few extra feet every now and then, the eventual diabetes will eventually put your dumb ass in the emergency room where the rest of us will have to pay for your medical care, until you eventually die.  And to those I say…You Deserved It.  Lazy fucking assholes.  Anyway, where was I?

Oh yeah…the results.

One Client.  One site.  One 24 hour time period.

31,000+ links killed.


This was a pretty prototypical studio too, usual output of DVDs and internet business.

Tomorrow I unleash what I’m calling the CLK (CyberLocker Killer) for another studio, then another, and another until I’ve went through my entire client list.  I’m expecting this to result in easily half a million removals.  This will all be done in the space of a few weeks.  So far I’ve completed 12 studios and I started using this badboy 5 days ago.

The beauty in this tool is in it’s simplicity.  First of all, it takes something developed by pirates and for pirates and co-opts that to be used for anti-piracy.  Then using my CLK it does it’s thing, then I use another tool developed by pirates and a few mouse clicks later and I’m sending DMCA’s to cyberlockers with URLs numbering in the 1000s.

I fucking love using pirate tools to aid the anti-piracy effort.  I mean not only is it poetic justice, but the freeloaders have no right to complain.  After all, one of their talking points is to mention how “Information is morally neutral”.  So just because they developed their little tool to help them find Justin Bieber songs for free, doesn’t mean I can use it to wipe out your entire Fileserve.com stash and your lazily put together WordPress blog (and yes I realize the irony in me saying that), and your HornyWhores/AdultBay ripoff theme because after all….software can’t be blamed for what it does right?

So in summation, I would just like to say that if you’re clever, innovative and have between $1.50 and $1,000,000 you too can develop a bitchin’ anti-piracy tool.  And don’t forget to put your shopping cart back into the stall.

Kirk out.